The Pessimist In Me.

I wrote this blog because I was inspired by Maine Mendoza. I read about her blog and I feel connected with who she is as a person. I can sense that we have something in common except that she's already famous and I am not. Well, we always have this twist of fate once in our life. 

When I was a kid, I always feel like I am not capable of doing things right. I am not confident with what I do. I shrugged it off. I thought as time passes by maybe experience will teach me to do things the right way. I grew up believing that my confidence will develop over time. I was wrong. It never did. Instead, I questioned myself every time I do things. I feel like I am just going to fail if I try this and that. I will just embarrass myself in front of others. As days go by, I try things less. Sometimes, I'd ask myself, "where did I get this kind of attitude? what molded me to become a pessimist? What did I do when I was young to become less confident?" I believe it's inborn. Don't judge me. I am just speaking out who I am as a person. Don't worry, I also have this positive side. It helped me to strive harder and fight back my pessimist side. Even though it's not that strong enough, I still believe that one day I'll be able to overcome it. 

Do you think the environment somehow influenced my childhood? Yes, it did. When your parents kept scolding you and not explaining why, as a child, either you'd think that you are not capable of doing so or it's bad for you. Therefore, as a parent, you have to learn to communicate to your children because eventually, they will remember everything you did to them when they were young and soon will become what you taught them to be. 

I can still remember the time when I did new things. I'd think negatively ahead. Of course, either it ended as fucked up or the other way around. Failures are inevitable. It is always part of our life. "Mistakes are proof that you are trying." Don't blame me because I was born this way. You didn't know how hard I tried to change this kind of thinking. Definitely, one of the attitudes I have that's hard to deny. Each of us has a negative side that we're trying to overcome and change it. It takes time. It's not easy. It's easily said than done. Don't worry. Life is always like that. Live with it.