Another relationship after the other. No breathing. Even after painful breakups, I'd enter into a new relationship hoping I will find my sole purpose in life. To love and be loved in return. Wishing one day I'd feel happy, contented and satisfied with what we call life. To be able to find meaning from another person. To be able to find greater inner peace with oneself once I find my perfect match. I was wrong.
After my recent break-up, everything starts to sink in as if God is talking to me. As if, He is telling me to slow things down. To stop and appreciate the things I already have. It's like He is giving me a break to at least love myself and do the things I wanted to do before I settle down. Resolve issues within myself in order for me to fully love the person He prepared for me. To embrace imperfections of life and that is okay to be imperfect once in a while.
To be honest, it's been a while since I was single. Most of the time, after every break-up, I'd date as not to feel alone and miserable though in my heart I know it's not something I wanted. It's not something God wants me to do with my life. Now that I am 30 years old, me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up. I saw it coming yet I added more salt to the injury. I know I've crossed the line and everything ended just like that. How could I ever forget all the things we've been through? All the heartaches and happy moments we've had. None. I just have to feel the pain until it will hurt no more.
Through all my past experiences, I've learned a lot. I've learned to see more about life. To do things I've never done before. To appreciate all the treasures God have given to all humankind. To value the people who deeply cares for me. To value family first before anyone in this world. To enjoy the present while looking forward to the future and hoping for the best to come. To be grateful to God for all the blessings He shared to me especially my life. To be thankful for the people who come and go in my life who taught me to become who I am right now. For all the challenges that made me stronger than before.
When you fully let go of the things that kept you from moving forward, that is the time that you'd be able to breathe and see things clearly. You will be able to see things in a different perspective. You will realize God's way and plans are better than yours. Right now, finding my self-worth is the best thing I can do for myself, to be able to appreciate things and live my life without any bitterness. To move forward without regrets. To enjoy my singleness and live my life without being dependent on others. Being happy alone. To be able to set my own standards without settling for less by grabbing anyone available for the moment. To live a simple life and be who I wanted to be without stressing myself of what others want me to become and be the best person I can be. To be closer to God. Let his will be done.
“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”
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